Donald Trump: [on the telephone] John, there is a rumor around town that you’re suspending your campaign for President. Is that true?
Donald Trump: Oh, well, I’m very glad to hear that. John, are you all right? Do you need any police?
John Kasich: [into the phone] Jeee Golly! The Police? What for?
Trump: Well, rally protesters get pretty ugly sometimes, you know. John, I’m going all out to help in this crisis. I’ve just guaranteed the other candidates sufficient delegates to meet their needs. They’ll close up for a week and then move to Canada.
Kasich: [to Uncle Billy] He just took over the Republican Party!
Mr. Trump: [into the phone] I may lose a fortune, but I’m willing to guarantee your delegates, too. Just tell them to bring their votes over here and I will pay them fifty cents on the dollar.
Kasich: [into the phone] Aw, you never miss a trick, do you, Trump? Well, gosh, you’re gonna to miss this one!
Trump: [into the phone] If you suspend your campaign before 6pm, you will never be invited to Mar-o-Largo!
[there is a loud click as Kasich hangs up]
Mike Chopowick – March 23, 2016